What it was Like to Win and Lose

As I go through my scrapbook I notice many things. I notice my defeats, my accomplishments, my memories. This scrapbook was an assignment my AP psych teacher gave to us for our final grade my senior year of high school. My teacher gave us some guidelines, gave us some topics for essays that had to be written, and told us to be creative with our assignment. Off we were, on our own to make these scrapbooks, to reflect on our lives, to foresee our futures. I covered many topics; they varied from my childhood, to my future goals, to pictures of any and everything, to probably the most influential and important part of my life: cross country running.

As I sat in my eighth grade health class Mr. Penna-Ward (who would later become more than a teacher to me) began to show us a short movie, consisting of video clips and pictures of this so called sport called cross country running. As I watched this movie I thought to myself “running? A sport? Wow I learn something new everyday”. After the movie Mr. Penna-Ward handed out a sign up sheet for people who were interested in the sport and would like to get a call during the summer for when they enter high school. I thought “what the heck, it kind of looked like fun, everybody was just hanging out, and I’ll just sign up it can’t hurt, plus I’m already playing travel soccer and I don’t really want to play soccer in high school too”. So I signed up and my freshman year captain, Lauren, called me over the summer to attend captain practices. I attended captain practices along with regular practices. My coach, Coach Barber, would have me run with the other freshmen and the slower group. I trained and trained and ran and ran preparing for our first race. Race day finally came and I didn’t know what to expect or what to do I just planned on running. Our first race was held at Mount Greylock. These girls were known in our county as being undefeatable although I didn’t know it at the time. The time came for the race to start and I didn’t know how fast to start, who to run with, anything I was pretty clueless. The race ended and I didn’t bother looking at results like everyone else I just basically figured I am a freshman it’s not going to matter. I could see all the other girls running over to the results, some crying and others with smiles on their faces. I found out later I came in 15th out of close to a hundred girls. I got my name in the paper and got my Taconic Cross Country Top Five 2003 shirt, for placing in the top five of my team. My whole freshman year I kept on being naïve not really knowing that I wasn’t actually that bad at running. I kept hearing talk of a letter even though I had no idea what that was. I was actually planning on playing soccer for my school my sophomore year. So I kept racing and I kept coming in the top twenty of every race. I managed to keep Becky (my other captain, Lauren was completely out of sight) in sight and switched on and off with my place with Colette (a girl two grades ahead of me). Finally the Berkshire County Individuals race came around and I was part of the varsity team. It was a fast race and I was competing with some of the best in the county. The top fifteen got medals and got called up by their names in front of everyone. Although I did not get in the top fifteen I got nineteenth place and that was good enough for me. I also made the varsity team that would be competing at Western Mass. My freshman season of cross country exceeded my expectations of the sport. In the end I found out what lettering meant.

My sophomore season of cross country I ran. I did not end up playing soccer. I never really regretted this decision because cross country taught me a lot and I also got a lot of attention and recognition that I would not have received from playing soccer. My sophomore year I came back more competitive. I only fell in the top twenty once or twice. Most of my races were in the top ten. I remember this one race. It was held at Hoosuc Valley. Throughout the whole race I was pretty much neck and neck with this one girl. We kept switching on and off with a lead through the whole race. As we were coming to the end she was still in front of me. Out of nowhere I came from behind her passed her and blew her away as I heard her say “nooooo!” as I had just beat her. Once again I earned my letter this season. My school and Greylock were pretty much even towards the end of the season. We beat them once and they beat us at individuals. We were the first team to be co county champs with Mount Greylock. The only difference with this individuals was that the top twenty got medals and called up. This season I got seventeenth place and earned my medal along with qualifying for Western Mass.

It was my junior season when things started to take a turn. Over the summer I ran a lot I trained with guys so I would be faster. The season started out better than my freshman year and better than my sophomore year. I was even more competitive and I was ready to rock the girls in Berkshire County. No problem. So I thought. All I had to do was place at least in the top five of every race. I was doing a pretty good job at it too. My most memorable race was held at a campground almost an hour away from my school. It was against the dreaded Greylock. I was more prepared for this race than my very first one or any other. I ate right all day, I hydrated, I got a good night sleep, I warmed up, I had spikes, and I was mentally prepared. I was ready to go. I started this race out with maybe a girl or two ahead of me. The problem came when I entered the woods loop and twisted my ankle on a rock going down. I started limping but kept running as I watched some girls run past me. Finally after one I decided I wasn’t going to take it and blocked out the pain. I picked myself up and found myself head to head at it with about 4 greylock girls on my butt in the very end of my race. One passed, I couldn’t run any faster. The next one I saw out of the corner of my eye and like a switch I was out, beat every one of them and came in sixth place. I wish I could say that race was the only negative part of the season but it wasn’t. I slowly started getting worse and I couldn’t understand why. I had this pain in my leg but chose to throw some tiger balm on it and call it a day. I could feel it tingle on my leg as I prepared to run. After I blew my race at individuals I decided to see a doctor before Western Mass. I started to cry as he told me I had a stress fracture in my left femur and I could not compete. I still got my varsity letter that season and did not run for the next 3 months after that.

My senior season had to probably be the hardest for me. I was captain and you bet I lived up to it. I did not miss a practice once. I held all of the captains practices. All summer I ran about at least an hour a day. I trained, I raced, I timed myself, and I conquered my weakness, hills. With all this running I thought I would go back into the season and pick up where I left off only better. I was dead wrong. I picked up from where I blew my race away at individuals. I could not recover from that stress fracture. I could not bounce back. The only race I really ran was my last race at Taconic. It was painful and humiliating. I can’t think of a worse feeling than knowing what you could be and were. It’s an awful feeling having nobody know your name anymore and seeing others that you beat before doing what you could once do. I did not letter this season. I did not compete at Western Mass. I was a nobody.

As I look at this scrapbook I can reflect on many things. I see not only my many accomplishments but my failures as well. I am the person I am today because of cross country. It introduced me to many new people and experiences. I learned who I was through this sport. I am not only a student, a friend, a daughter, an employee. I am now a runner, an athlete.