As I look back on the two biggest sports games during high school I realized many things similar and different between the two. I had been playing football ever since I could, fourth grade. All those years of youth football were to get me ready for the big high school games I would be able to play in once I got to that level. My junior year was that first chance. I had played center for my team, South Hadley Tigers. This year we could tell was special, and we developed a team with a deep core of talent, probably the most our town had ever seen, and one of the better teams in Western Mass. After a long season my team ended with a 8-2 season and winning our league. We earned a spot on that years D1-A super bowl against Central Mass. Team Milford. This was what we had been getting ready for since we were little. This years seniors and my class in particular were expected to be a great team for a while. But according to the critics we had gotten to the big game prematurely, and we were the underdogs. This was the biggest game any of us had ever played in. On the trip to Worcester State college, where the game was, the whole bus was quiet and in the zone. I remember watching Any Given Sunday on the tv’s on the bus to pump us up. It was pretty intense before the game. Before games both teams normally do their own drills and practice plays on their sides of the field. This part is funny, after our stretches and all our team went over to the other side and went over to the Milford players and shook all their hands and wished them luck. This was such a huge psych out. The best part was my buddy, Adam, bless his soul, was such a dork about it. He was jumping around screaming good luck and slapping the other teams butts. It was hilarious. So that managed to ease our mood. We never went into games too serious all season, we were pretty chill. That was a unique characteristic of ourselves. But now it was game time. There was so much adrenaline running in mine and everyone’s veins. You could see it our eyes. Even the kids who didn’t play were pumped. My junior year I shared time at center with a senior. And I had never been so pumped in my life. The first drive the stopped us real bad. Their first drive was looking bad for us. You could tell they were moving the ball rather easily. And our defense was very good. Probably the biggest play to happen in a game I played in happened in this drive. It was definitely the momentum turner. Milford had run a short pass up the middle, and the receiver broke free from our secondary and was speeding up the field, but not fast enough. Our senior cornerback, Kenny Minor sprinted up behind him and as he was going into the end zone, he stripped the ball loose, it was literally a yard before the end zone. And my classmate Doug Pawlishen, who actually goes to Westfield state too, recovered the ball. This was such a huge momentum turner. The game was all in our favor after this happened late in the first quarter. All game our defense played very well causing some huge turnovers, and Milford honestly crossed the 50 yard line like twice. I didn’t play that much in the game, since the other center was a senior, and no lie better than me in the game because of the defense they ran. It didn’t bug me at all though, whatever was better for the team. I recall the last 2 minutes of the game the longest ever in my life. We were winning 18-0 and had the game in the bag, it was just time in our way until we finally won. Once time stopped it was awesome. We had won the first Super bowl ever in our schools history, and in an underdog story. None of us had played so hard in our lives, I’m sure of it. We all felt we deserved the outcome.
The next year we went into the season with very high expectations of course. I no longer shared time at center, and was the starter and only senior on our offensive line. Much was expected of our backs, especially Doug. My quarterback, Matt Minor was also a senior. Despite losing many key players on our defense, we still had very strong defense with Andre leading the linebackers, Dan and Ryan leading the secondary, and our big man Anakin on the defensive line, all seniors. This season we didn’t let give anyone chances. And despite, I feel like, playing beneath our capabilities we finished the season 10-1. Our only loss to the D-1 champs Longmeadow, we only lost 15-14 and I’d rather not talk about that game. We had won our league and earned a spot in the D-1A super bowl again, as expected. What wasn’t expected was we were to play Milford again. This year they were even better. Many people could have argued they deserved to be in the D-1 super bowl. We were going into the game in a similar way as the year before. We were again big underdogs. And we were up for the challenge again. We were playing with a 12th man though this year. Over the past spring our close friend Adam Benoit passed away in a car accident on his way to CCD. He would been my senior right guard, next to me. This game was going to be for him, as was every other game we played during the season. I remember seeing his little brother Joe’s eyes before the game, he was one of our junior speedy four backs and d-backs. It was deep seeing him, all of us. Getting ready for the game this year was even more intense. The game was also much closer to home, at Holyoke high school. The morning before the game we all went to the Friendly’s in town for breakfast, and then visited Adam’s grave. There was much emotion going into this game. In the locker room we were all very serious, unlike last year as we were very chill about it. It was game time though, once we put on our eye black. I had put mine on like a seven under both eyes as I did all season, signifying 77, Adam’s number when he played with us, I was 76. We went through our drills and plays, I hurt my D coach practicing plays because of my adrenaline, I thought that was funny. I straight up knocked him on his ass. We were rockin our black on black jerseys. Again, as last year, we went over and shook eveyones hands wishing luck. But now, it was time, our time four my senior class, we had tasted victory last year, now we wanted it for ourselves. I had never hit so hard ever as I did in that first play of ours on offense. We managed to drive up the field to the redzone, but we just couldn’t commit when we got close. Unfortunately, that was the story all game. Our athleticism was no match for their size and power at this point after having driven down the field on them by this point. It was only 10-0 at half time, a manageable game. Half time was not fun for our offensive line, we were getting drilled at for not committing our assignments correctly and thoroughly in the red zone, when it matters. It was like it was our fault. It wasn’t a good feeling, I mean we all were trying as hard as we could. In the second half, it was more of the same. Getting close and not finishing. They would bring to much pressure on our left side, and obvious week spot on our o- line. They cluttered the middle too, which was our strong point, with me and our guards, making it harder to establish a running game, since most of out runs were up the middle with Doug. More of the same left the game out of our reach though. And despite trying as hard as we could, we lost. 21-0. It was probably the worst feeling ever. We had put so much into the season to win again, and for Adam. I learned about the feelings of victory and loss in the big games. There really is nothing like winning it all. But to lose, damn, its like the whole season was put to waste. Even though we lost though, we had many achievements that year. My back, Doug, had rushed for 2,000 plus yards that year running behind me and my guards which is a great feeling leading your back that way. People in town would let me and others know how fun we were to watch all season. But I can now only imagine what it would have been like to win it all, again, for Adam.
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2 comments:
good story, it was easy to tell how much you wanted to do well. Lots of description about the games to.
Title – capitalize
Sentence One – A good first attempt at a first sentence, but really think about how you can grab your reader’s attention – instead of just saying you saw ‘many things similar and different’ see if there is a more vivid, concrete or creative sentence that expresses what you are trying to say without being so general.
Sentence Two – This is an awkwardly constructed sentence, especially the end of the sentence.
Sentence Three – Again, your sentence structure seems to try to be too complicated. I see that you are trying to connect this sentence to the previous sentence, and that is a very good thing to keep in mind; but simplify your structure. Every day I played football since the fourth grade prepared me for the two most important events in my football life. Now, that is an example, but hopefully you can see that it is more vivid, yet more concise. This is what I want you to try to do in your sentences.
Sentence Four – What does ‘that first chance’ refer to? It isn’t clear. But I do like how you vary your sentence length. Now just make it clearer.
Sentence Five - The verb tense that ‘had’ is used for isn’t properly suited for this sentence. I’d eliminate it completely and make your sentence more direct. For example: I played center for the South Hadley Tigers. Also, couldn’t you combine sentences four and five?
Sentence Six – You actually use the commas pretty well in this sentence, but could you be more direct. Also, as I look at this sentence, if you revise it a bit couldn’t it be your first sentence in the entire essay? During preseason of my junior year, every player on my football team could tell that this team was something special. We had a deep core of talent, probably the best South Hadley had ever seen, and this core eventually took us to an 8-2 season record and a chance to compete in the D1-A super bowl against Central Mass. Now, don’t copy this sentence, but work on bringing this story to life.
Sentence Seven – What does ‘this’ refer to? Also, is there a more vivid way to say or show this? Work on more vivid, sensory details.
Sentence Eight – Years needs an apostrophe, but most importantly, this sentence seems repetitive and possibly unnecessary.
Sentence Nine – Change the verb choice ‘gotten’ to something that is more precise, more active…but I really like this sentence. Why not make this the basis of your entire essay – basically, everyone thought we reached the big game prematurely, that we weren’t that good, that we didn’t deserve it. Why not make the whole essay about this experience and about what it looks and feels and tastes like when people don’t believe in you, but you believe in yourself…or something like that. That would take this essay to that next level you are looking for.
This gives you an idea of how to change your essay on a sentence by sentence level. Also, I would review the published essays in the text to see how the author’s moved from a strong introduction that not only grabbed the reader’s attention but also established a thesis or theme to the action of the situation. You have two parts to this essay right now, the introduction and then the action. Work on making them fit better together.
Now, you need to revise the action part so that it is divided into focused paragraphs and only provides those details that are important for your thesis and focus. Also, review how the published essays show action moving through time. You might consider reviewing ESPN or Sports Illustrated stories to get an idea on how the break up the action into sections and how they skip over actions that aren’t necessary and bring to life those actions that are. Ultimately, you want this to be more than just a story about your big game…make it have a more critical, important meaning that touches your audience. Good luck and good start.
You might also consider how important it is to have both stories. Would it work if you focused on just one and used flashback to the other?
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